Surfing from a Eating Disorder

About four years ago I was engaged to the man I thought was the love of my life I had invested so much time emotional most importantly my heart. We ended thing well he ended thing it was hard for me. Was it me I thought?

I stop eating focused on my work a fashion I had coming up 3week in the studio barely eating or not eating at all

bulimia nervosa: an emotional disorder involving distortion of body image and an obsessive desire to lose weight, in which bouts of extreme overeating are followed by depression and self-induced vomiting, purging, or fasting.

This went on for a few months

Then school was over I had to deal with the truth I'd love alone so just order takes out and cry go see my therapist. I start to question my values. Why was she good enough I wasn't?

I talk to my mom and dad love them the amount of support now in my new apartment. The Chinese man new me we where really good friends this was before going vegan so I had my regular.

I'd order it twice a day and would just sleep drinkings lots of soda not thinking about how I was destroying my body. My skin and my health.

Binge eat·ing

the disorder is a serious eating disorder in which you frequently consume unusually large amounts of food and feel unable to stop eating.

I remember going to my college doctor office for my regular check my weight was unreal I almost cried look at the scale it read 220lbs I knew I needed to change. I was scared and more shocked. Fast forward to 2018 I've been going to the gym lifting weights and was working three jobs barely sleeping.

I was a workaholic for sure 3 jobs working 24 hour days sometimes. Then I quit one job and another than was left with one. Around this time I was ready for Italy my senior of college last fiber arts class. Bittersweet I loved Jozef

hypergymnasias

is an eating disorder characterized by excessive and compulsive exercise.

I would go to the gym and workout for hours, hours, or longer. Then go back to work and then come back to the gym.

2-3 hours or longer running lifting weights I'd Bengal the next and the next I would work seven or more times a week did think anything of it then I saw myself and

abroad

abroad signed in Italy which help me reflect on my self worth my values

My love for me

I fail in love with me again

That was the problem I was so busy love and giving me to everyone else I forgot the person that needed it the most the person I looked at every day in the mirror.

She needed me to be strong

Caring

Healthy.

An in 2018 well in Italy I became vegan

I lost 40 lbs in fat

Gain lots of muscle

Failback in love with Naquasia

That's why self-love in the morning is so important to me that's why making my food handmade it's that personal relationship I have with myself it's that me time.

I love me some me I really hope this helps someone this isn't everything but it's all in a nutshell. I've suffered from an eating disorder for a well now I have more control.

I give myself one day every 2 to eat out

I love pizza carbs are my weakness but now I enjoy it. I don't eat to rid pain I eat because of the flavor taste texture and quality.

Food and I are best friends

I no longer use it as a drug

I never thought I'd share this but you know what I hope this helps somebody.